Parent/Teen interactions- PRO'S
1. " My parents never yelled at me in front of my friends."
- This behavior saved my self-esteem and self confidence. It really made me feel that my parents cared about my feelings even though I may have made a mistake. It also helped me realize how important family was, and that loyalty and respect was a very important character trait.
2. " Never afraid to be wrong, you will never find the courage to find what is genuinely right."
- This philosophy instilled self-confidence and a willingness to try a variety of skills and activities that lead me to many positive social and employment opportunities. Failing or being wrong also gave me the strategies to take a new direction for my next situation.
3. " Liked having MOM home everyday after school."
- Many of my friends had both parents work, and an empty house for hours after school which added to a momentum of teenage bad decisions and consequences. Having my mother home was such a blessing, as she was somebody that would listen about my day, help me with any questions or problems and help me organize my evening. Having MOM to release my stress to after school meant the world to me as I did not have to carry that through the night, the next day, the week and so forth. It allowed me to enjoy and concentrate on the present moment. I see that others turn to negative material things for comfort where I turned to "mom."
4. " Encouraged me to try new skills and follow my strength."
- Trying new skills such as mechanical, landscaping, sports, automotive, and carpentry gave me the confidence and knowledge to engage in a wide variety of activities that helped myself, family and others. It really made me a more well rounded person, and allowed me to really discover my interests and strengths.
5. " Strong family, moral values, and character that last through today!
- My, Coach Anthony's parents had a very strong influence on my core values and strength and were outstanding examples of positive family and personal character traits. Being blessed with living in an environment with these positive daily examples of strength and character, I found myself to be very resilient in times of failure and challenges in my life. I was never emotionally or spiritually alone, I recognized that better opportunities were still out there, and that this is only a season. I am so grateful to have had parents that instilled that type of value system that has stayed with me throughout the years.
Parent/Teen interactions- Con's
1. " When I was your age!"
- Hmm, I am sure we all have heard this a few times before. This individual revealed that every time she brought a problem or a concern to her parents, " she heard, " I cant believe that this is happening" or "I cant believe you did this," " When I was your age........." Immediately, she felt inadequate, like she will never live up to there standards, and like they just wont listen to me! Since, she felt this way and it was a repetitive interaction, she learned just to keep quiet and hold her concerns to herself. This self-defeating behavior did just that, defeated her. All of that stress built up inside, had her lash out at friends, parents, siblings, and teachers. She chose to share her concerns with people who would listen and that turned out to be "people who really cared," teens abusing alcohol and drugs.
2. " Nothing I did was ever good enough"
- Everything that I did whether it was sports, chores, writing, playing board games...... I played 100 percent. I was the type of person that wanted to perform well for myself, and always wanted to please others. I use this example even today. When I was a young kid, I wanted to show my father that I could mow the whole yard, with straight lines, without any clumps..... I wanted this to be s surprise, he came home from work, I ran to the door and said, " Dad, Dad, look I mowed the lawn!!!!! He said, " Did you clean the lawn mower?" Zero comment, on the accomplishment that I was so excited about all day long. There was always something else that was not " up too par" This interaction, although was the way my father was brought up as a child, was not what I needed. I needed praise and encouragement, as I lost all my self-confidence as a young boy and waited to be told what to do, for the longest time.
3. " I was babied and over-protected!"
- Parents hovered over me constantly, set things up for me, organized plans for me, made decisions for me. I realize that their desire was to make sure I didn't struggle and provide safety for me, but holding on to me that tight, affected me for years even into adulthood. It took years for me to have enough self-confidence and courage to make my own decisions and not worry about failing, as I did not know what the result would be.
4. " Too lenient, too naive, lack of knowledge"
- Parents were over the top too lenient, lack of structure and discipline, and allowed me to come and go as I please. For instance, I did not have any curfew during the week or weekend, no didn't care if I was drinking for smoking pot, and did not care about the friends that I spent my time with. As long as I was "happy" they were happy, Little did they know, I was aching for guidance and discipline as my life was disintegrating through my teenage years. Now as an adult I am a recovering alcoholic and picking up the pieces of a path of destruction that I have left behind.
5. " Didn't teach or talk about politics and current events"
- Parents never talked about current events or politics within our family discussions. I had difficulty in school, socializing with peers and adults, and understanding current events as my lack of knowledge confused me and brought on a lack of interest. I do have to say, however, I learned on my own and it that was the "Con" that created the most impact on me, then my folks did just fine.