Hi all ,,, This is not a coaching video just a dedication to 9/11!!!! I hope you enjoy and NEVER EVER FORGET!!!
Hey, lets remember not only does the motivation level from one teenager to another vary, so can the level of motivation in each individual teenager, not only from day to day but from mood to mood. Teenagers have a lack of experience, an abundance of challenges, and all kinds of dreams and crazy thoughts making their way in and out of their minds all day long. On top of all this, if you have not noticed they have a somewhat rebellious attitude towards authority.
This being said, it is important to ask yourself if you are a parent thinking you are motivating by constantly saying, " Do your homework!", " Get a job!", Go out for a sport!" "Do your chores!" etc... Why is this not motivating your teen? There is a great chance that your teen has a low self-esteem and low self expections and needs encouragement, praise, and and a sense of confidence that can come from positive feedback from parents. Their peers may be very lethargic and have no ambition which can certainly rub off.
To get your teenagers motivated there are many things to try, here are a few..
Good Luck Everyone!!! Motivate and Get Motivated, and Stay Motivated!!
Teenager Tools that can have a positve effect for a lifetime!
1. Gaining Respect- Teenagers have a strong desire to gain respect from adults, but especially from their own parents. When they believe they are not getting the respect they believe they deserve, they may start to ignore their parents or even rebel against them.
It is important to remember that Teenagers need to earn that respect! Respect is not just given to teenagers, just because they turn "13". They earn it by showing responsiblity and by showing respect to their parents and other adults.
2. Self Responsibility- Teenagers are desprerately seeking independence, and at the same time parents desire to teach their teens skills that lead to mature and trustworthy actions while holding them accountable for their actions. When parents provide age-appropriate rules and guidelines followed by expetations, a structured understanding starts to develop. Understand that at this age, there is going to be some conflict, resistance, and friction, ( just the nature of teenagers ). During this time, allow open communication so that the teenager is heard, ( only if presented respectfullly), and then share your thoughts. Here is the key.... Be aware of your tone voice and body language when responding, as this is when the teenagers will have the opportunity to learn form their mistakes and gain responsibility... Show a positive example...
3. Needs for beliefs and values- It is very important that as parents/adults positive values are taught and modeled. Values are the foundations of who we are with our character going through life, and influence our thoughts, actions, and behaviors. As the child is observing these values being demonstrated at home, they can recognize the positive effects they had and will have a strong likelihood carrying that value into their teen and young adult years. It is important that we demonstrate positive values by living a life with actions that are aligned with these values. In other words make sure to emphasize living a life that is in aligned with their values, and always do a self check! We never force values! Show by example, and accept that they may form their own values as they gain independence and be there to have open communication.
4. Experiment and take Healthy Risks- Encourage your teenager to take healhy risks! Healthy risks helps develop their identity and can be a valuable experience. These healthy risks can include a variety of activities such as sports, meeting new friends, music, artistic endeavors, volunteering, or even traveling? These all have a possibility of failure, but an awesome possibility of some life changing positive rewards! Taking healthy risks can be a great obstacle for negative risk taking.
5. Interacting with Peers- As teens stroll out toward their independence, they strive for self- identity. Yes, family has their place and has a significant role in the values, character, and abilities of their teenagers, but the peers serve as the non-judgemental place to share thoughts, feelings, and actions in pursuit of self-identity. Positive peer pressure can support in directing your teen's energy, motivate your teen for success, and encourage healthy behavior.
6. Love your Teen/ Let it show- This is simple and to the point... Hugs, pats on the back, smiles etc, have unbelievable lasting impacts on your teenagers. Showing your teen proper physical affection can be critical to your relationship. Your teenager should walk through life knowing and feeling that their parents love and affection is undeniably strong!
7. Teens need to feel safe- Teenagers need to feel that their home is the safest place to be both emotionally and physically. They need to feel that it is a non-judgmental place with open communication. Teenagers want a place to relax their mind and bodies from the stressors of society and HOME should be that safe place!
8. Teens need acceptance- Teenagers are going to make mistakes in this crazy time of their life. They need to know that when they mess up their parents still love and accept them. The last thing you want your child to do is to go find acceptance from an outside source... Remember... "Safe Place"! You want your teenager to feel comfortable and safe coming to you and admitting mistakes without feeling rejected. Yes, there is going to be correction and punishment at times, but rejection should never happen towards your child.
9. Want to be heard- It is very common for teenagers to say that their parents dont listen or understand. This feeling can lead to a total disconnect from their parents and pull your teen into negative coping mechanisms such as drugs and alcohol to cope with problems. Listen to your teenagers by reflecting back your teenagers feeling so they feel they were fully heard. If your teenager knows you listen with full attention and interest, they will come back and share more with you... Great way to learn about what your teenager's life is all about!
Please dont think you are weak, if you share some challenges, struggles, stressors, addictions, etc with others... You are a very strong person to seek support and share... People will respect you, support you, love you, care for you, and admire your courage... Plus, you will walk lighter, and have a feeling of freedom to reach out when things build up inside again... All of us, be good to people when every we can... Smile, communicate, laugh, compliment, encourage, praise, motivate!! You never know what positive effect your kind behavior will have on another individual... Thanks for watching, have a wonderful day, Anthony Fazzary
As we have been chatting about, the youth years can be very stressful and confusing, and add the topic of sex into the equation; look out brain, emotions, feelings, hormones, a whole lot coming at you from many angles!! Yes, the educational system is doing their part, and the media is certainly doing their part of misinforming, and your kids peers are also adding sexual information that can be way off base. As parents it is your responsibility, to offer sex education at home. This can help connect the dots and answer some confusion or unanswered questions from the classroom. Of course this may be difficult and awkward for many of you, however, this conversation can lead to a lifetime of healthy sexual decision making for your teenager, isn't the outcome worth your sacrifice? Here are some helpful suggestions for you to make this time with your youth successfull.
Common topics that may come up for conversation are :
Talking with your teen about sex. American Academy of Pediatrics. http://patiented.aap.org/content.aspx?aid=5059. Accessed Nov. 1, 2011.
YOUR TEENAGER DOES NOT WANT TO BE STRUGGLING, WHAT CAN YOU DO TO CREATE A POSITVE HOLIDAY ATMOSPHERE, INCLUDING YOUR TEEN?
1). Remember, if your teen has been struggling, just the holiday season arriving does not automatically create a cure all or band- aid. Many times, without a positive purposeful change in atomosphere, and approach towards the child the holidays can become more of a stressful struggle for the teen and the family.
2). Since your child is the one struggling, he/she probably has been lacking strategies and reasoning skills to conquer the state they are in. It is time for the caring family to recognize the struggles, be patient, and include him/her in the holiday planning.
3.) Ask your teenager what they would like to help with: Ask what their best skill is and have them choose that activity. That will provide them with a feeling of belonging, responsibility, holiday spirit, and ownership. When the teen knows that they were involved in a positive way, and that the family is pleased with the accomplishment and help, it will create a positive feeling within.
4). Spending this time with your teenager will not only help you bond, but it will help you discover new things about each other that may have been ignore or pushed under the rug due to the struggles. Great time to break the old habits, start new family behaviors, and have a Merry Christmas and Happy Life.
5). When communicating with your teenager, dont allow yourself to have the majority of your conversation based on their struggles, challenges, bad behavior, etc. We all have positive points about us. Find the positive points of your child and make comments on them, praise them, encourage them. Dont forget, they already know that they are struggling, they dont need a constant reminder. They need, especially from parents and family members, support and love.
6). Ask your teen to give their suggestions about dinner, the party, decorations, vacation plans etc.. It will amaze you how involved and positive they will be toward the holidays when they are asked their opinion on different parts of the occasion.
7). Believe it or not, teens desire structure! Especially teens that are having difficulty with behaviors, struggling etc. They need to have a planned schedule, especially over the holidays. During school, they at least have school hours and classes to keep them organized. A week of too much free time can lead to negative decison making. Schedule your holiday break as best possible. ( Let your teen help you? )
8) HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES! ENJOY AND BE MERRY!
Coach Anthony Fazzary
Live life with Purpose!